Aware I am Dreaming Without Pants
by Edward Perry
Whenever I dream that I’ve been without pants, no one seems to notice nor care. Now I figure, “Well why should I?”
If society doesn’t care about my exposed self then there must be nothing wrong. It feels great to just go about my business without a care how I look or how others may perceive me.
I assume this has to be my subconscious telling me that whatever I’ve been ashamed about isn’t all that big of a deal. Now I need to figure out just what I’m insecure about and not mind so much in real life… yeah good luck, me.
Being self-aware (self-conscious) is so strange. Like crossing a tight rope; once I think about how well I am doing I begin to fail. Why is there a “confidence auto-destruct” built into myself?
Most of the time I self-destruct before I even try. There are times I have to trick myself to get out of the apartment for shoots. My mind is resisting but I’ve told my body, “Just take us; he’ll do fine once we’re there.”
About the Shot:
I just needed her to look somewhat towards the camera. If I had her eyes looking away from the direction of the crowd it would complete the “self-aware subject” idea. The scene being very dark and my hands cold and I was ensured that every shot would be a blurred mess. Trying not to think about that I continued shooting muttering to myself, “Please look towards the camera, look at the camera, the camera, look at the camera…” And then she disappeared.
I looked through my shots anyway and they were all actually sharp except for the one where she begins to look towards me.
“God Damn It!”
Then the last frame was right before I lost sight of her behind the crossing guard. Her face had stopped moving and the shot was crisp!
“Got it, got the damn photo.”
Editing wise: As if she needs anymore attention, I dodged her hair.